No Love Though

              Okay it is not hard to see that I am single LOL.... I'm just going to jump straight into whats going and how I feel because it is really taking a toll on my conscience. I really liked this guy at my school but I never thought of talking to him like that or trying to pursue him in anyway. He was just someone I admire from afar whenever I saw him. So...long story short he got my number and we were texting for a quite a while until I saw him because at that point I had not seen him since that last semester. A month went by and we finally we out. After that little first "date" I did not like him. I was just turned completely off. Now, he has nice conversations, good things going for him, but I was just not attracted to him like I was. I'm telling my friends this and there are like just give him another chance maybe it was awkward the first time or whatever so I agreed. I gave it another shot but I really already had my mind made up about how I felt...How know maybe it was gonna change. Anyway the second date and it went so much better than the first date, but I still did feel attracted to him, like I honestly didn't find him a ounce appealing to besides his conversation. So time is passing and I'm getting texts everyday from him and calls and things like that but I'm in the back of my head like " I don't like you, leave me alone". Me saying this to myself is obviously not making him go away. Now too much time has moved on and I'm still getting texts and calls pretending like I'm busy and lying basically on why I'm not responding. At this point the people I'm seeking advice from are telling me to just tell that you just wanna be a friend and how you feel. But! It has gotten to a point where i don't want to hurt his feeling because I know he likes me. So this text I got from him today was just a hey and i didn't respond. He felt some type of way and made a statement on instagram....now my name not tagged but....come on na lol. So now I think I should just let him know it's not like that and I'm sorry you really like but I got a lot of me to work on....Yall don't even know what I like about him before we even started talking...am I crazy lbvs? does anybody feel like that sometimes with someone they like but then don't like lol...I think I'm single because of me. I really wanna be in a relationship but do I really though because I am a very to-myslef-don't-need-love-and-affection-from-a-guy person and i don't wan to block myself from a good one but I do know it is me half of the time smh.  P.S. I over think everything but I honestly just don't like him in the way he likes me.

Becoming Me!

                   I am just in love with who I am becoming to be. I see myself really evolving into a more positive and smart person. I'm learning something new everyday while I'm on my winter break and it is really opening my eyes to opportunities that I realized has always been in my reach but never had the drive to go the extra mile for. Yes! I have my moments of doubt but there not as constant like they use to be because of the change in my mind set and in the actions that i show to helps myself get out of the doubtful thinking. Its hard...I know, but its hard work for the better of ME! I'm trying to spread the word, the love, and the positivity the best way I can. I think I feel this way because I believed in something and faith/hope brought to believe that with God it is possible. I'll be honest I use to struggle with my main course classes for a couple of semesters, which led me to believe that I was not smart like everyone else or was not a fast learner so I would not graduate on time. The feeling of degradation and just always pessimistic in the back of my head showed me that that train of thought was not helping me pass my classes, do my work to the best of my abilities, or feel good about myself in any way. Well, that feeling is gone, this passed semester I passed all of my classes...even the hard ones and if I did this semester and can do it again next semester and the semester after that. It really open the door to my intelligence and positive spirit. I'm just in a good place with myself as far as ME is concern. My love life.......Now that's a different story LOL.

Ugh where is he?

Nelson Mandela...A Great Man!

My fav Boots!

Hey guys! I just had to let you know what I love this winter. Now the boots won't last for the whole winter because their actual leather and they can get cold but right now I love them. I got them from Marshall's and they were on sale. The original price was $179 of the Tommy Hilfiger boot collection but I got them for at least $50. I didn't purchase them this black Friday but I will eventually do a black Friday haul. Just wanted to let you know my favorite thing this week. Enjoy! 

Good Morning !

I realized that it is okay to not know how to word your feeling sometimes. Lately I've been thinking so much that I cannot find the right words to express my thoughts. So, I talked to GOD this morning because I have not done that in a while...yes I know it's bad but I am learning. He is there when ever I am ready to talk so I have no worries about him looking down on me. Anyway, I talked to him this morning praying and asking for him to show me my purpose, who I am because I'm learning news things in my life that require me to have some passion and drive of my knowledge to express this to the world....but what is it? I ask him to show me the way. Not only did I ask him some things, I wanted him to know I was thankful for my family, friends, and everything little thing that he has placed in my life. Yeah I know it's hard to do because sometimes people don't want to face their problems but only GOD knows my future, my full thoughts, and my true dreams. That is the person I feel like I can talk to if nobody else...it's him!

Over Thinking Thoughts...

It's really hard for me to express myself through communication in some moments. I have a hard time gathering my thoughts and saying what's on my mind,which is usually how I feel about something or my opinions on certain topics rather it be between friends, in class, or just in a general conversation. I cannot explain the feeling of not being able to be my full self because I really feel like this is holding me back. I am a smart and beautiful individual, so what's the problem? I am on a journey to find myself ( my discovery) but I feel like this is a struggle I cannot seem to get under control. This becomes very upsetting because people do not really know what I'm feeling like on the inside. I am a very nice person like I'm always saying.. But that gives me no excuse to let people say or do what they want. I can say I have changed a lot with being too nice but I'm don't feel my full self if I can't communicate that. And maybe I'm scared but this is probrobly why I should at myself free. Font get me wrong, nobody is bossing me around or thinking they have something power over me.. It's just me not knowing what to say at any giving time about any topic that's at hand . This makes me feel really sad because sometimes I feel like I can't keep up with a conversation or my mind drifts or I'm just not intelligent enough to talk about the subject at hand. IDK.. I just been feeling like this lately. But am I the only one that feels like this... Any suggestions???? 

Fall Nights Out

Hey girls!!! This is the perfect outfit for a night out in the fall. The shirt: cream blouse (forever21) Pants: Leather green olive pants (H&M) Shoes: Nude pointed toe (Norstrom Rack) Enjoy!

  

Fall breeze!!!!

Today's outfit was inspired by this beautiful fall weather. Shirt: khols (velvet baby doll long sleeve shirt)  Pants: H&M (pumpkin skinny pants) Shoes: (leopard pointed flats) Bag: ( Black and brown leather LongChamp). Enjoy!

Falls coming :)

Hey! I recently purchased my favorite sweater for this upcoming season. I love over size sweaters with jeans or leggings. Just a quick OOTD...enjoy! 

Goddess braids

Freshly wash and blow dried hair. Two thick braids in the side while leaving some sideburns out is really cute. I have a koto hair so this was pretty convenient for at least three days out of the week.  

In that moment

People are pessimistic and want to bring you down with them because misery need company. I am a very nice and positive person to everyone but some people can't respond to that as a good thing. I had someone in my life like that and I wanted to be there inspiration and shoulder (BFF) but I really got tired of having negative vibes and being someone's punching bags. Reteachig is possible if your tired of the same downer debby so it's time to speak up and be heard. You have to learn to love people from a distance and let it be known through yourself and other every chance you get. People only do things to you because they know they an or they don't want to see you doing better than them. SPEAK UP AND BE HEARD📢

Havana Marly Twist

I wanted to try the marly twist for a while now and I finally got them. I had my aunt install them. This was pretty new to the both of us but we wanted to get the twist right even if it took a couple of times. So, I bought five packs of marly hair from my local beauty supply store. The pack are like $4.99 a piece. They come in sperate pieces so all we had to do is thicken up each piece. They are all different lengths and sizes. There not perfect since this was new to us. They are kind of heavy and unravel at the bottom but other than that they are gawwwgeous lol. 

Natural Update

Hi guys, I have been rocking a lot of natural styles this week because I've actually been to lazy to do anything else with my hair. It's just a lot of work and time and I've been really busy this week. So the fabulous afro was a big hit and then I tried a braid-out while a little damp ending it with flex rods at the end to set overnight. I really did not like how it turned out at first but as the humidity got to it, my hair became more to my liking. Now, if I go out I always wear my famous bun towards the front area for a classy, cute, and fun look. Lastly, I flat iron my little sister hair and she is all natural, meaning she never had a perm. I use treseme heat protector spray, but I only put the flat iron on 15. You do not want the heat up to the max because it should not take that much heat to straighten and also keep its natural volume, beside we are not trying to cook the hair (ha..). Stay tuned for the bantu knot tutorial and favorite hair products. 

Into Confidence

I honestly don't know what to say. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed that I cry because once I get the thinking about all the things I need to do but can't control at that certain moment I get emotional. I feel like I should not be in situation I cannot handle and I do it to myself every time. Between to jobs at this point, you would think I save some money but I have not. Then it school...and all the money along with that has to be paid. Finally, the apartment that may or may not be available be the time me and my roommate have our money ready. When things go through I just wonder how I make it through. PRAYER WORKS!! but lately I just have not been confident in myself or work. So, I have decided that I am going to start going to church and reading my book "Goals" by Brian Tracey. The thing is, I know I am confident but I also know how to bring myself down which is not good. From henceforth me myself and I will do better in every task because God is with me, family, and friends are too.

(link to something interesting) 

http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

What is Self-Confidence?

Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.

We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we'll succeed. It's this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.

This overlaps with the idea of self-esteem, which is a more general sense that we can cope with what's going on in our lives, and that we have a right to be happy. Partly, this comes from a feeling that the people around us approve of us, which we may or may not be able to control. However, it also comes from the sense that we are behaving virtuously, that we're competent at what we do, and that we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it.

Look

Bantu knot... I was feeling it

Team Natural!!

So.... It's summer again and I am doing the No Heat Challenge for the whole summer. I started this in 2011 and it has done me well. I love it because when it's hot outside there is a natural beauty to me when your hair is at it's natural state. I wear my hair in a bun, Afro, funky styles that I create for whatever mood I'm in...it's great. Today started the challenge and this was something new but I think it can grow on me. I actually tried this styles before but the difference is that I did not curl the braids while they were drying at the same time. You probably can tell in the first picture. This time with me curling it, I had a lot more fullness and body the next morning when it was all dry. I thought to my self "I can work with this" lol . Sorry I do not know why I look so mean in the picture. 

JUICE

Good Morning!! I decided to juice today. My granny juice all the time and she is a healthy 81 year old lady with a young sprint and this is her catch. She takes no pills and if she can do it then I can do it too. I used kale, carrots, apples, and pineapple . It has a over powering taste with kale but the carrot and apple are a good touch to it. 

Success

My cousin Emrun graduated from John Marshall Law School this passed weekend. We decided to throw a huge all white event to celebrate her success. During dinner my little sister and I danced . We were verrrrrrry nervous lol but we did it. In that moment while she thank everyone who came n performed, I thought "I can't wait til it's my turn". She is my inspiration, motivation and every thing I look up to. 

Just A Note!

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