Irra!!!!

I'm so tired of depending on people to take me places. I NEED A CAR!!!!!!! It's frustrating waiting for people on their own time. I have to go by when they are ready. I have a lot of thing I do on a day-to-day bases but cant really fulfill any of that because the limit I have on transportation. I get tired of asking people for a ride, waiting for a ride, and everything like its irritating,. I'm really not tyring to sound ungrateful I'm just in the moment right now because i feel stuck :(

Spring Break

It's my spring break and I'm really enjoying it. I have been going to out to eat like crazy and getting a lot of rest. I'm catching up on my channels I watch on YouTube and reading motivational but to keep me in a positive mind set. Everyone is on actual spring break somewhere hot, but I'm in Chicago which is not all bad even though this weather in bipolar I am still enjoying myself. I was confused about what I wanted to do and why I was so unhappy but it was because I really have not been putting my all into anything lately but that's changing. I'm so glad this spring break has been going so good so far :)

It's a Process

I'm so glad I use this as a gateway to vent or just express myself. I've been so confused these pass couple of days ( nothing new) about what i really want to do. I started thinking dance was something I wanted to do because it's my passion, but I feel like I also need to be doing something that will have me comfortable financially. My major is corporate communication.  The reason I am confused is because I really don't know how to start my future. This made me so sad too, the other day I wanted to cry while I was talking to my dad but OMG he really helped me understand some things I need to do. See the thing is...I feel like I am not good at anything which is not so not true but because I'm not where I should be in certain areas of my life is all because of ME. To be totally honest I do not feel like I have not been giving my all into important values in my life, I just do the bare minimum but then expect a good grade or results just because I did it. This is nothing but being LAZY and that's getting me NOWHERE. I realized I have to start working in my fulling potential so that I may know what the hell it is I want to go forth and pursue. Now I'm like..where do I start. I want to jump right on in with dance but am I really ready? am I really ready for an internship in my major ? NO! I 100% don't feel prepared enough to even put myself out there yet on the level. I just need some motivation and prayer to get me through these journey of self because I'm telling it's some days I just want to give up. In addition, I've been struggling with my self physically as well. Last week into the beginning of this week I was not felling the way I looked. And I know we all have those moments but I really was disgusted with my face because of my acne. It can really bring me down so I try to overlook it but I was just not feeling my face and how I look in the mirror. on instagram SELFIES :) are the worst. because I  almost cried when I saw how I looked in one of my friend picture (selfies w/ two people) and I hated it. So then I thought to myself WAIT...that is hoe god made me and I am beautiful. I should not be tripping over things that will eventually go away. I use to get irritated over anything real bad or throw a pitty party just to say bad things to make it okay and its really not cool to do. I love myself, so when I take a pic or looking in my reflection I will say five positive things about how I look :) Once again I am stilling mastering the craft of Dekka 

P.s.

 "Once a task is first begun, do it until it's totally done

be that task big or small, do it well or not at all." 

 

I'M 22

WOOT WOOT IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!! Hey guys so today is my B-day and I am feeling good. So far I have a lot to be thankful for and I'm not complaining. I went out friday night, came back to my hotel room and got some good sleep and I went to WildFire Saturday night as well. I didn't really have any big plan. I kept saying "I have no friends" besides the ones at school but I go home a lot because I like seeing my family and the "friends" I do have out here are too busy I guess...idk and idc. Not saying there not my friends but I'm at a point where I just "AW OK" and keep it moving like I been doing. Aint nothing wrong with loving people from a distance. Sooooo!!! I think I'm going to be open to meet new people and have a good time whille I'm 22. I'm ready for what life has to offer and I'm going to work hard to get what I want. For some reason I woke this morning on my birthday feeling a sense of growth out of nowhere LOL..seriously. I think it's because there is no time to feel sad, negative, or allow people to change who I am if it not inspiring or just love in general. My journey is becoming a learning experience I'm loving every minute of it :)